1 00:00:01,154 --> 00:00:02,454 ♪ Ah-ah... ♪ 2 00:00:02,489 --> 00:00:04,522 ♪ Ah-ah ♪ 3 00:00:04,558 --> 00:00:06,891 ♪ Ah-ah-ah... ♪ 4 00:00:06,927 --> 00:00:10,028 Oh, my goodness. 5 00:00:10,063 --> 00:00:12,230 This is so adorable. 6 00:00:12,265 --> 00:00:14,299 Is this you and Alan every year? 7 00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:16,901 Yep, every Christmas morning for the last 17 years, 8 00:00:16,937 --> 00:00:18,703 Alan and I would go to Santa's Village in the mall 9 00:00:18,738 --> 00:00:21,246 and dress up like mom and son reindeer. 10 00:00:21,295 --> 00:00:23,908 Yep. It's a really cool thing that I love doing still. 11 00:00:23,944 --> 00:00:25,276 You know, they should change the name of Christmas 12 00:00:25,312 --> 00:00:27,512 to "Edie and Alanmas." 13 00:00:27,547 --> 00:00:30,482 But no one is gonna do that because everyone hates my ideas. 14 00:00:35,188 --> 00:00:37,222 Happy Grafelnik! 15 00:00:37,257 --> 00:00:42,127 I'm Vengeful Vic. I bring tidings of joylessness and revenge. 16 00:00:42,162 --> 00:00:42,811 Don't freak out, guys. 17 00:00:42,812 --> 00:00:45,296 - It's just me, Zorn. - Grafelnik? 18 00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:47,866 You're still celebrating that dumb revenge holiday? 19 00:00:47,901 --> 00:00:50,335 Yeah, I went back to celebrating it after we split up. 20 00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:51,936 Now, who wants to give me the traditional Grafelnik 21 00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:52,971 punch in the face, huh? 22 00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,639 - I'll go first. - Can I go second? 23 00:00:54,674 --> 00:00:57,575 I'll go third, but I have a question. 24 00:00:57,611 --> 00:00:59,744 - What is Grafelnik? - Well, as legend has it, 25 00:00:59,779 --> 00:01:02,180 a long time ago, Lord Grafelnik was trying 26 00:01:02,215 --> 00:01:05,049 to reconnect with his daughter. But she wanted to study in Europe, 27 00:01:05,085 --> 00:01:07,185 where she caught the eye of some dangerous types 28 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:08,186 and ended up getting kidnapped. 29 00:01:08,221 --> 00:01:10,755 The only person who could get her back 30 00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:11,956 was Lord Grafelnik himself. 31 00:01:11,992 --> 00:01:13,358 Hey, that sounds like the movie Taken. 32 00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:14,792 No, I'm sure whatever that is, 33 00:01:14,828 --> 00:01:16,794 it's totally different. You see, Lord Grafelnik 34 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:19,831 had a very specific set of skills. And he used those skills 35 00:01:19,866 --> 00:01:22,233 to get revenge while killing, like, everyone 36 00:01:22,269 --> 00:01:24,068 and rescuing his precious daughter. 37 00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:25,770 - I am riveted. - Oh, yeah, 38 00:01:25,805 --> 00:01:27,305 you should see that movie then; that's the same thing. 39 00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:29,541 The blonde girl from Lost, she plays the daughter. 40 00:01:29,576 --> 00:01:32,410 - Maggie Grace? - Hey, so what's in that sack? 41 00:01:32,445 --> 00:01:36,181 Oh, yeah, Grafelnik snowballs! 42 00:01:36,216 --> 00:01:37,248 Pretty neat, huh? 43 00:01:37,284 --> 00:01:38,249 Grafelnik snowballs are rocks. 44 00:01:38,285 --> 00:01:40,685 Grafelnik snowballs are rocks. 45 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,375 sync and correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 46 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:50,295 So, you excited to spend your first Grafelnik with your old man? 47 00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,462 You better be, because the revenge 48 00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:54,465 - I'll bring upon you if you aren't is horrible. - No, I'm excited all right. 49 00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:56,768 Even though it's kind of like a holiday for the little guy, 50 00:01:56,803 --> 00:01:59,304 I feel like I'll still be able to have some fun with it, too. 51 00:01:59,339 --> 00:02:01,639 Mom, you're cool with me doing Grafelnik with Dad, right? 52 00:02:01,675 --> 00:02:04,175 Yeah, I think it's great you and your dad have your own thing. 53 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:07,612 Look at you guys, celebrating both holidays, no fighting. 54 00:02:07,647 --> 00:02:09,814 For a divorced couple, you make a great team. 55 00:02:09,849 --> 00:02:12,817 Go Team Zorn and Edie! Yay! 56 00:02:12,852 --> 00:02:14,452 - Yeah, okay, Craig. - Aye yai yai, Craig. 57 00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:16,387 You know, you never think you need to own pom-poms 58 00:02:16,423 --> 00:02:17,589 until you do. 59 00:02:17,624 --> 00:02:19,457 I know what I want for Christmas. 60 00:02:19,492 --> 00:02:20,525 Pom-poms. 61 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,595 Hey, Craig, I'm dreaming of a wine Christmas. 62 00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:33,004 - I got to go. - What? Um... 63 00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:34,739 - What got into him? - Yeah. 64 00:02:34,774 --> 00:02:38,243 If he doesn't have diarrhea, that exit was insane. 65 00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:46,017 Oh, God! 66 00:02:46,052 --> 00:02:47,719 Oh, Scott! 67 00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:49,887 You scared a few drops out of me, man. 68 00:02:49,923 --> 00:02:51,222 Badass scooter helmet, right? 69 00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,423 - Wow. - Yeah. 70 00:02:52,459 --> 00:02:54,092 This is my Hanukkah night five gift. 71 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:55,627 Imagine how much you're gonna pee yourself 72 00:02:55,662 --> 00:02:57,362 when I get my Vespa night eight. 73 00:02:57,397 --> 00:02:58,363 A lot. 74 00:02:58,398 --> 00:02:59,897 - Wow. - Vroom, vroom. 75 00:02:59,933 --> 00:03:02,233 Vespa, leather jacket, facial hair. 76 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,301 You're, like, more European 77 00:03:03,336 --> 00:03:05,670 - than that German exchange student. - Helmut? 78 00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,105 - Helmut, Helmut. - Helmut, that guy rocks. 79 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,239 - I love that guy. - He's the best. 80 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,774 He just goes like, "Yah." 81 00:03:09,809 --> 00:03:12,443 - "Yah." - God! My mom would never get me 82 00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:14,012 something this cool for Christmas. 83 00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:15,280 I desperately need a new phone. 84 00:03:15,315 --> 00:03:17,782 - Like, actually need a new phone, right? - Yeah, it's so old. 85 00:03:17,817 --> 00:03:19,851 - It's a brick. - What about your dad? 86 00:03:19,886 --> 00:03:21,719 Yeah, my dad celebrates something called Grafelnik. 87 00:03:21,755 --> 00:03:23,421 It's like Christmas, but not at all. 88 00:03:23,456 --> 00:03:24,989 I'm supposed to meet up with him later 89 00:03:25,025 --> 00:03:26,924 and do, like, revenge or something. I don't know. 90 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,760 Does it end with him giving you stuff? 91 00:03:28,795 --> 00:03:30,361 I hope so. I mean, getting gifts is one of 92 00:03:30,397 --> 00:03:32,930 - the top three perks of having parents. - True. 93 00:03:32,966 --> 00:03:34,265 Happy Grafelnik! 94 00:03:36,136 --> 00:03:38,169 What the hell, Zorn? 95 00:03:38,204 --> 00:03:39,570 I thought we were friends! 96 00:03:39,606 --> 00:03:41,139 No, we are; that's why I gave you 97 00:03:41,174 --> 00:03:44,442 - the traditional Grafelnik greeting. - Oh, Grafel... 98 00:03:44,477 --> 00:03:46,277 Nice. Happy Grafelnik. 99 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:47,445 Hey! 100 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,280 You want to get revenge on me?! 101 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,649 I've only been good to you, you stupid idiot. 102 00:03:52,686 --> 00:03:53,818 Zorn on the horn. 103 00:03:53,853 --> 00:03:55,753 Hey, Dad. Uh... 104 00:03:55,789 --> 00:03:58,189 I'm at that address you said to go to for the Grafelnik thing. 105 00:03:58,224 --> 00:03:59,223 Are you coming? 106 00:03:59,259 --> 00:04:00,825 Oh, my God, I can't believe you fell for it. 107 00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:03,361 This is revenge for you crying on all those planes 108 00:04:03,396 --> 00:04:04,495 when you were a baby. 109 00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:06,464 Happy Grafelnik, chump! 110 00:04:06,499 --> 00:04:09,434 Ah, you got me good. He got me! 111 00:04:09,469 --> 00:04:12,036 Yeah, uh, you're still coming, right? 112 00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:25,416 - Hey, Edie, we need to talk. - Okay. 113 00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:28,219 - Sit down? - Oh, it's a sit down talk. 114 00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:31,089 Look, Edie, there are some things about me that you don't know. 115 00:04:31,124 --> 00:04:33,825 - Okay. - Things that I thought that I could 116 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,827 hide forever, or at least until after we were married, 117 00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:38,996 and then it would be too late for you to do anything about it. 118 00:04:39,032 --> 00:04:41,899 - Mm-hmm. - I'm afraid of Santa Claus. 119 00:04:41,935 --> 00:04:45,570 What? No. 120 00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:48,005 Yeah, Edie, it's true. 121 00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:51,542 It started when I was six, right after my parents separated. 122 00:04:52,879 --> 00:04:56,047 My dad came to our house dressed as you-know-who. 123 00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:57,615 But what he didn't know was that 124 00:04:57,650 --> 00:05:00,551 my mom's "friend" Hank was there. 125 00:05:00,587 --> 00:05:03,521 I stood there and watched as Santa Claus... 126 00:05:03,556 --> 00:05:08,659 gave Hank a holly jolly ass-whooping. It was not pretty. 127 00:05:08,695 --> 00:05:11,629 It was like an outtake from a Tarantino movie. 128 00:05:11,664 --> 00:05:16,033 It was like my Vietnam, without the hookers. 129 00:05:16,069 --> 00:05:19,404 Group of kids coming by singing Christmas carols... 130 00:05:19,439 --> 00:05:21,339 - they saw it... - Oh, no. 131 00:05:21,374 --> 00:05:22,673 ...and they ran. 132 00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:26,110 He finally knocked Hank out with my skateboard, 133 00:05:26,146 --> 00:05:29,180 which is why I'm afraid of skateboards, too. 134 00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:32,116 Ever since that moment, whenever I see Santa, 135 00:05:32,152 --> 00:05:35,019 I can't help but picture that bloody mess. 136 00:05:35,054 --> 00:05:37,755 Oh... Craig. 137 00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:40,725 I'm not gonna lie, a lot of women would be 138 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,260 packing their bags right now. 139 00:05:42,295 --> 00:05:43,561 - No! - Yeah. 140 00:05:43,596 --> 00:05:45,363 But maybe I can help you get over your fear. 141 00:05:45,398 --> 00:05:48,633 Oh, right. You think anybody can just do therapy? 142 00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:51,202 Like, it's that easy to be a therapist? 143 00:05:51,237 --> 00:05:54,071 No? Sort of? 144 00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:55,907 I don't know how to answer that. 145 00:05:55,942 --> 00:05:59,277 But maybe if you tried that immersion therapy thing, 146 00:05:59,312 --> 00:06:02,146 where you just surround yourself with the fear, 147 00:06:02,182 --> 00:06:04,916 so much so that it takes away the power of it. 148 00:06:04,951 --> 00:06:07,151 You know, that actually might work. 149 00:06:07,187 --> 00:06:11,923 Geez, I guess it really is that easy to become a therapist. 150 00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:13,891 Why do I make such a big deal about it? 151 00:06:13,927 --> 00:06:16,594 - I don't know, I really don't. - Oh, mm-mm. 152 00:06:16,629 --> 00:06:19,163 - Too soon? - Mm-hmm. 153 00:06:23,036 --> 00:06:26,070 Hey, Alangulon, here's your big Grafelnik surprise. 154 00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:27,104 This place look familiar? 155 00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:28,773 Yeah, this is that place where that waiter 156 00:06:28,808 --> 00:06:31,242 gave me a hamburger instead of a veggie burger. 157 00:06:31,277 --> 00:06:35,613 Let's just say it's time for them to "meat" with some payback. 158 00:06:35,648 --> 00:06:39,083 Ground chuck style. 80% lean. 159 00:06:39,118 --> 00:06:41,118 Yeah, that didn't really land, did it? 160 00:06:41,154 --> 00:06:42,720 Should have just left it at ground chuck, right? 161 00:06:42,755 --> 00:06:44,121 Here we go! 162 00:06:45,658 --> 00:06:47,225 Oh. 163 00:06:47,260 --> 00:06:48,559 Happy Grafelnik! 164 00:06:48,595 --> 00:06:49,994 Oh, oh! 165 00:06:50,029 --> 00:06:52,430 Come on, come on, let's get out of here! 166 00:06:53,566 --> 00:06:55,766 Oh, yeah. You know what, that was actually, like, 167 00:06:55,802 --> 00:06:57,602 a pretty good reason for an animal to give its life. 168 00:06:57,637 --> 00:07:00,271 - Grafelnik is amazing. - Well, if you like that, 169 00:07:00,306 --> 00:07:01,839 you're gonna love Grafelnik morning. 170 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,574 Hope you wrote your letter to Vengeful Vic 171 00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:05,076 asking for all the revenge you want. 172 00:07:05,111 --> 00:07:07,612 Question: is it possible to put some things on that list 173 00:07:07,647 --> 00:07:10,214 other than revenge? You know, just, like, 174 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:12,683 things you would buy in a retail store? 175 00:07:12,719 --> 00:07:13,918 Wh-What, you mean like presents? 176 00:07:13,953 --> 00:07:15,720 Oh, I mean, if you want to call them that. 177 00:07:15,755 --> 00:07:17,522 Yeah, well, not in the old days. 178 00:07:17,557 --> 00:07:19,790 But now that they've made it all commercial and everything, 179 00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:22,193 gifts are actually exchanged as revenge against poor people 180 00:07:22,228 --> 00:07:24,695 - who can't afford gifts. - Great. 181 00:07:24,731 --> 00:07:27,365 Let me just set a reminder for Grafelnik morning. 182 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,968 Phone is just so difficult to use. 183 00:07:31,004 --> 00:07:32,670 This thing is, like, three years old. 184 00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:35,139 On a new model, which is currently available in stores, 185 00:07:35,174 --> 00:07:39,176 you just simply say say, "Set a reminder for Grafelnik morning." 186 00:07:39,212 --> 00:07:41,212 - Boom! And there. - Wow, you know, 187 00:07:41,247 --> 00:07:44,048 that seems like a lot of steps to still probably forget something. 188 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:45,983 Uh, it says in the calendar here 189 00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:48,819 that Grafelnik is on December 25 this year. 190 00:07:48,855 --> 00:07:51,022 Wait, hold on, Christmas and Grafelnik are on the same day? 191 00:07:51,057 --> 00:07:53,824 Well, obviously, there's only one thing to do. 192 00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:56,260 Celebrate Grafelnik and ignore Christmas entirely! 193 00:07:56,296 --> 00:07:57,762 No way. 194 00:07:57,797 --> 00:08:00,898 Why don't we ignore Grafelnik entirely, like everyone else on Earth. 195 00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:03,560 Look, I want to spend Grafelnik with my son. I mean, 196 00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,037 every year I have to spend it alone with my slaves. 197 00:08:06,072 --> 00:08:07,538 And believe me, paying people 198 00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,074 to pretend they love you is not as fun as it sounds. 199 00:08:10,109 --> 00:08:11,442 Okay, you know what, I'm gonna take the high road here. 200 00:08:11,477 --> 00:08:13,578 - Oh, come on. - Why don't we compromise? 201 00:08:14,747 --> 00:08:18,549 - I will take Alan from 7:00 to 9:30. - I'm not getting up at 7:00. 202 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,284 Then you can have him from 9:30 to noon. 203 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,786 No, no, hold on. The Grafelnik festivities 204 00:08:21,821 --> 00:08:25,022 - start at sunrise and take five hours. - I have to get up at sunrise now? 205 00:08:25,058 --> 00:08:27,369 I mean, what are we supposed to do, cut the glombeast's 206 00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,226 head half off and just leave it hanging there? 207 00:08:29,262 --> 00:08:31,562 It's just, I mean, that would be funny, sure, 208 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,264 but actually, you know what, that would be really funny. 209 00:08:33,299 --> 00:08:36,000 We're gonna do that. But we still need five hours, okay? 210 00:08:36,035 --> 00:08:37,702 So you take the afternoon. 211 00:08:37,737 --> 00:08:39,303 My son and I are not brunch people. 212 00:08:39,339 --> 00:08:41,772 - Yeah, and do I get a say here? Huh? - Yeah, Zorn. 213 00:08:41,808 --> 00:08:43,274 - Let's let him decide. - Who do you want 214 00:08:43,309 --> 00:08:44,508 to be with, Alangulon? Let's hear it. 215 00:08:44,544 --> 00:08:45,776 Mull it over. Come on. 216 00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:49,146 Oh, okay, I guess that kind of backfired. 217 00:08:49,182 --> 00:08:52,883 - I got to think on this one. - Take your time deciding! 218 00:08:52,919 --> 00:08:56,091 Hey, either way, I win. If he chooses me, I win. 219 00:08:56,126 --> 00:08:57,743 And if he chooses you, well, then I've got 220 00:08:57,744 --> 00:09:00,781 someone to seek revenge on, so I win again. 221 00:09:02,529 --> 00:09:05,797 Hey, what's in that bin? 222 00:09:05,832 --> 00:09:07,866 It's not Santa heads, is it? 223 00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:10,502 No. It's just some precious family memories 224 00:09:10,537 --> 00:09:12,257 I want to share with Alan, so he can see 225 00:09:12,258 --> 00:09:14,672 - how meaningful our... - ...holiday traditions will be. 226 00:09:14,708 --> 00:09:16,141 When Alan sees how much fun he has 227 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,308 spending Grafelnik with me, 228 00:09:17,344 --> 00:09:20,078 he's gonna completely forget about Christmas. 229 00:09:20,113 --> 00:09:22,547 I mean, getting revenge on bosses, coworkers, 230 00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:25,292 baristas that write "Lorn" on your latte, even though they 231 00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:28,186 know damn well no man is named that, I mean, it's just the best. 232 00:09:28,221 --> 00:09:30,922 And what if he doesn't love it as much as you do? 233 00:09:30,957 --> 00:09:33,258 Then I'll just remind him about the high suicide rate 234 00:09:33,293 --> 00:09:35,326 of fathers who are alone during the holidays. 235 00:09:35,362 --> 00:09:39,998 So you're gonna guilt him into choosing you? I... 236 00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:41,866 ...don't think that's such a great idea. 237 00:09:41,902 --> 00:09:44,068 You're not helping Alan by applying pressure. 238 00:09:44,104 --> 00:09:46,471 He's not a hemorrhaging stab wound. 239 00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:48,740 And besides, you said you were gonna take the high road. 240 00:09:48,775 --> 00:09:50,675 Fine, I guess I'll just tell him I have cancer. 241 00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:53,411 - Edie! - Skin cancer. Not a real... 242 00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:55,380 ...cancer, just something that would tip the scales 243 00:09:55,415 --> 00:09:56,748 in my favor, you know? 244 00:09:56,783 --> 00:10:01,352 Well, as a skin cancer survivor, I think it would totally work. 245 00:10:01,388 --> 00:10:04,689 - But you still probably shouldn't do it. - Fine. 246 00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:07,358 But trust me, if I know Edie, she's doing the exact same thing. 247 00:10:07,394 --> 00:10:10,062 In fact, right at this moment, she's probably spending 248 00:10:10,063 --> 00:10:12,397 - all her energy doing... - Craig! 249 00:10:12,432 --> 00:10:15,800 That was amazing! 250 00:10:15,835 --> 00:10:19,771 - Still think Santa's scary now? - Mm, yes. 251 00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:22,607 But it's gotten complicated. 252 00:10:25,445 --> 00:10:28,046 Are you kidding me? 253 00:10:28,081 --> 00:10:30,114 Mom's trying to guilt me with my childhood artwork, 254 00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,852 and Dad's sending me videos of orgies he's 255 00:10:31,853 --> 00:10:33,751 missing out on in Zephyria just to be in America. 256 00:10:33,787 --> 00:10:36,421 Well, Alan, when you're the child of divorce, 257 00:10:36,456 --> 00:10:37,855 the holidays can be rough. 258 00:10:37,891 --> 00:10:40,425 When I was a kid, on Christmas, I felt like 259 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:42,627 I was a rope in a game of tug-of-war. 260 00:10:42,662 --> 00:10:45,997 "Craig, you have to come spend the holidays with us in Ohio." 261 00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:48,499 "No, Craig, on this day, you come stay with me 262 00:10:48,535 --> 00:10:50,935 in Calhoun Falls, South Carolina." 263 00:10:50,971 --> 00:10:52,036 Whoa. 264 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:54,038 For me, the holidays was nothing but arguing. 265 00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:57,775 And I could have really taken advantage of their immaturity. 266 00:10:57,811 --> 00:10:59,410 Take advantage? Like how? 267 00:10:59,446 --> 00:11:03,181 Oh, you know, pit them against one another. Use their desire 268 00:11:03,216 --> 00:11:05,950 to spend the holidays with me to my own selfish ends. 269 00:11:05,986 --> 00:11:07,552 Oh, like to get better presents? 270 00:11:07,587 --> 00:11:10,388 Well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's one example, 271 00:11:10,423 --> 00:11:12,323 but it doesn't matter. Alan, you're a good kid, 272 00:11:12,359 --> 00:11:13,791 you would never do something like that. 273 00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:16,995 Oh, no. Of course not. I would... 274 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,629 I would never. 275 00:11:20,233 --> 00:11:21,866 Leave Mommy and Hank alone. 276 00:11:21,901 --> 00:11:25,603 - What? - Oh, nothing. I like the glitter on this one. 277 00:11:25,639 --> 00:11:27,171 Cool giant head, huh? 278 00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:29,340 A lot of Zephyrians go with a fake giant head, 279 00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,277 but you can't beat the smell of the real thing. 280 00:11:32,312 --> 00:11:35,413 Hey, uh, just so you know, I haven't really decided yet, 281 00:11:35,448 --> 00:11:38,750 but, um, I'm thinking about doing Christmas with Mom. 282 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,386 Yeah, um, she said she might get me a 4K projector. 283 00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:43,221 - Pretty crazy right? - If you like that, 284 00:11:43,256 --> 00:11:45,189 how about a gold necklace that says "Alangulon," 285 00:11:45,225 --> 00:11:47,225 that may or may not make you taller? 286 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:49,541 Hey, so I'm thinking about 287 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,463 spending Grafelnik morning over at Dad's. 288 00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:54,899 Only because he said he was gonna get me some jewelry. 289 00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:56,634 He didn't specify, but I kind of think 290 00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:59,837 - it's gonna be magical jewelry, so... - He's bribing you with gifts? 291 00:11:59,873 --> 00:12:01,639 That's disgusting. 292 00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:04,042 This competition is supposed to be about who loves you more. 293 00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:06,477 Right. I totally agree. 294 00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:08,146 And I know you feel Christmas is more about 295 00:12:08,181 --> 00:12:11,516 spending time together than gifts, so I totally respect that. 296 00:12:11,551 --> 00:12:13,251 Well, get ready to respect me even more, 297 00:12:13,286 --> 00:12:14,986 because you're about to get everything you want. 298 00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:16,254 Oh, well, in that case, 299 00:12:16,289 --> 00:12:18,790 I guess I better get started on a list. 300 00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:26,631 Yeah. 301 00:12:29,202 --> 00:12:32,804 Okay, Edie, I can't do this. Can't we just convert to Judaism? 302 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:35,440 Scott's mom really loves it, and we wouldn't have to do squat 303 00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:37,141 on a Friday night ever again. 304 00:12:37,177 --> 00:12:40,445 Honey, you can do this, because I am here for you 305 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,380 and I'm not leaving your side... 306 00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:44,015 for more than a few minutes. 307 00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,817 Alan just added a food processor to his wish list. 308 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,185 Okay, I'm gonna go get this. 309 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,721 - You'll be fine. - I will not be! 310 00:12:49,756 --> 00:12:53,291 I will not be! It's okay, little girl. 311 00:12:53,326 --> 00:12:55,560 I'm just nervous because once, I saw Santa beat up somebody 312 00:12:55,595 --> 00:12:57,061 who was having sex with my mother. 313 00:12:57,097 --> 00:12:59,997 It's not true, sweetheart. Come on. Come. 314 00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:04,736 - I can feel your heartbeat! - I know! That's the best part! 315 00:13:04,771 --> 00:13:05,703 Oh! 316 00:13:06,806 --> 00:13:08,673 Yeah, it's so irregular. 317 00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:10,708 Man, you get the best Hanukkah presents. 318 00:13:10,744 --> 00:13:12,744 I thank Jesus every day Jane told my mom 319 00:13:12,779 --> 00:13:14,512 that she'd leave her if she didn't convert. 320 00:13:14,547 --> 00:13:17,115 - How's your Christmas haul coming? - Amazing. 321 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,016 Yeah, I'm totally pitting my parents against each other. 322 00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:20,952 - Yeah? - They're gonna spend so much money on gifts, 323 00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:23,087 they're not gonna have enough money left over for my college. 324 00:13:23,123 --> 00:13:25,590 Nice. You know what you should do? 325 00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:27,558 Get one of your parents to buy you a helmet with a visor. 326 00:13:27,594 --> 00:13:30,128 That way, when I spit when I talk, you won't get hit. 327 00:13:30,163 --> 00:13:32,263 I like that idea, but I'm-a do you one better. 328 00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:34,665 - Get your own scooter? - No, that's, uh, two better. 329 00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:36,968 - Hmm. - I was thinking a sidecar. 330 00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:38,202 Sidecar? 331 00:13:38,238 --> 00:13:40,371 Oh, my God! Yes! We could be like, uh, 332 00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:42,874 uh, Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas! 333 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,009 Yeah, or people I know about. 334 00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:47,779 But do you think your parents would actually buy you one? 335 00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,114 I got your big Grafelnik gift a little early. 336 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:52,784 - You asked and you shall receive. - Oh! 337 00:13:52,819 --> 00:13:54,419 - It's a sidecar! - What the... 338 00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:56,287 - Well, it's a hover sidecar. - I love it! 339 00:13:56,322 --> 00:13:58,296 Yup, there's nothing like the feeling of sitting 340 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,391 next to someone who's having the time of their lives. 341 00:14:00,427 --> 00:14:04,896 Oh, my gosh. It just stays right there! 342 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,531 Well, I can't buy something more expensive 343 00:14:06,566 --> 00:14:09,400 or dangerous than this, so I guess you win. 344 00:14:09,436 --> 00:14:12,101 - Whoa! - Edie, don't belittle my holiday 345 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,371 and make it about winning, okay? 346 00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:15,306 - But yes, I'm very happy that I won. - Thanks, Dad. 347 00:14:15,341 --> 00:14:17,074 - This is so awesome! - You bet, kiddo. 348 00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:20,475 Oh, Edie, if it makes you feel any better, I saw you eyeballing 349 00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:23,314 those Grafelnik snowballs the other day, so... 350 00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:27,467 - Ooh. - Happy Grafelnik! 351 00:14:30,113 --> 00:14:32,987 - Hey. - If those are more presents 352 00:14:32,988 --> 00:14:36,017 - for Alan, we don't need them. - Nope. I had to keep buying things 353 00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:38,286 so that mall security wouldn't think that I was a pedophile. 354 00:14:38,321 --> 00:14:39,821 Well, I'm glad you're sticking 355 00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:41,823 - with the Santa immersion therapy. - Mm. 356 00:14:41,858 --> 00:14:43,925 At least one of us might have a good Christmas. 357 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,861 Ho-ho hold up. What is going on here? 358 00:14:46,896 --> 00:14:49,430 Alan's spending Grafelnik with Zorn. 359 00:14:49,466 --> 00:14:52,588 I don't know how I let myself get caught up 360 00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:56,004 in that whole gift competition. I'm so disappointed in myself. 361 00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:58,863 Well, let's turn that disappointment 362 00:14:58,864 --> 00:15:03,077 into an appointment with Dr. Craig. 363 00:15:03,113 --> 00:15:04,512 I prescribe for you... 364 00:15:05,882 --> 00:15:10,385 - ...one scoop of tuna. - Yeah, I don't need tuna. 365 00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,553 - I need to apologize to Alan. - Okay. 366 00:15:12,589 --> 00:15:15,189 I hope that's not the good scooper. 367 00:15:15,225 --> 00:15:18,280 Any scooper with tuna in it is a good scooper. 368 00:15:19,095 --> 00:15:22,664 Dude! I got, like, the best gift ever. My plan worked 369 00:15:22,699 --> 00:15:25,133 like a dream. They had no idea 370 00:15:25,168 --> 00:15:27,235 I was totally playing them off of each other. 371 00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:29,337 Yeah, it's as though I were a puppet master 372 00:15:29,372 --> 00:15:31,921 and they were just two people I tricked into coming 373 00:15:31,922 --> 00:15:33,141 to my dumb puppet show. 374 00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:36,177 Yeah, who knows, if I play my cards right, 375 00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:39,380 next year I could probably get braces. 376 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,734 - Zorn, we need to talk. - Oh, did you come here 377 00:15:41,735 --> 00:15:43,851 for some pointers on how to win at parenting? 378 00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:45,286 If so, you came to the right place. 379 00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:47,422 - If not, I'm too busy. - Alan played us 380 00:15:47,457 --> 00:15:49,991 against each other just to get presents. 381 00:15:50,026 --> 00:15:52,326 No way, Edie. No, he's a good kid. You know that. 382 00:15:52,362 --> 00:15:53,795 - You raised him. - I was shocked, too. 383 00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,863 He usually gets confused when he tries to lie. 384 00:15:55,899 --> 00:15:59,133 But I overheard him scheming on the phone. 385 00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:01,969 What? You're kidding. How could we be so blind? 386 00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:04,072 Oh, typical Zorn... so caught up in winning. 387 00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:07,308 And typical Edie... so focused on losing horribly. 388 00:16:07,343 --> 00:16:09,844 I guess we took things too far, didn't we? 389 00:16:09,879 --> 00:16:12,113 Or maybe we didn't take them far enough. 390 00:16:12,148 --> 00:16:15,883 What if we work together to teach Alan the real meaning of... 391 00:16:15,919 --> 00:16:17,985 Christmas, Edie? No, thank you. 392 00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:21,489 I was gonna say Grafelnik. Let's try your Taken thing. 393 00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:24,025 - It's not the same as Taken! - The point is revenge. 394 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,827 Ooh, I like the sound of that. 395 00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:28,296 We need to teach Alan a lesson, and I've got a plan. 396 00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:30,031 Grab that hammer and just start breaking things. 397 00:16:30,066 --> 00:16:32,734 Okay, but you better be going somewhere with this. 398 00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:35,269 Ha-ha! 399 00:16:35,305 --> 00:16:36,938 I would have broken the hammer last, 400 00:16:36,973 --> 00:16:38,940 but I like your enthusiasm. 401 00:16:48,251 --> 00:16:49,717 You sure you don't want to go 402 00:16:49,753 --> 00:16:51,419 - around the block one more time? - Nah. 403 00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:53,755 Moderation is the key to all aspects of life. 404 00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:55,723 Ooh. 405 00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:58,860 - I'm gonna use the Bluetooth. - Yeah. Um... 406 00:16:58,895 --> 00:17:02,196 - Uh, uh-uh. - Oh, there it is. 407 00:17:02,232 --> 00:17:05,122 - Yo, Alan on the horn. - Alangulon! 408 00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:06,634 I need you to come to my apartment right now! 409 00:17:06,669 --> 00:17:09,737 Oh, wow, hey, am I on Bluetooth? That is so cool. 410 00:17:09,773 --> 00:17:11,305 - Everything's ruined! - What? 411 00:17:11,341 --> 00:17:12,573 God, that sounds great. 412 00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:16,577 Uh... Dad, what happened? 413 00:17:16,613 --> 00:17:19,013 It was your mom. She destroyed everything, 414 00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:20,848 including my sense of safety in my own home. 415 00:17:20,884 --> 00:17:23,718 Mom? Why would... Wait, no, why would Mom do that? 416 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,086 Because of you, Alangulon. 417 00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:27,288 She's been trying to win your love, and... 418 00:17:27,323 --> 00:17:29,791 she's jealous because I got you that sidecar you wanted. 419 00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:33,928 Oh, my God, this is crazy. 420 00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:36,402 You're right, it is crazy... as crazy as the blind 421 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:39,033 rage of a jealous mother on a losing streak can unleash. 422 00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:41,602 Which means I have to be even crazier. 423 00:17:41,638 --> 00:17:45,173 Oh, hey, uh, let's not go... double-crazy here, all right? 424 00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:46,507 - Just... - Ah, you know what? 425 00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:48,576 If your mom is going to destroy everything I love, 426 00:17:48,611 --> 00:17:50,812 I'm gonna destroy everything she loves! 427 00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:52,113 - Dad! - No, I mean Christmas. 428 00:17:52,148 --> 00:17:56,036 I'm gonna sack Santa's Village. You know, at the mall. 429 00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:59,059 Okay. I don't know. He's not here. 430 00:17:59,094 --> 00:18:00,527 I'm sorry to rush you down here, 431 00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:02,329 but he said he was gonna sack Santa's Village, 432 00:18:02,364 --> 00:18:04,564 and I'm pretty sure this is the only one he even knows about. 433 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,266 Well, I'm glad we're here. We can support Craig. 434 00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:07,968 Craig! 435 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,002 - Oh. - And don't worry 436 00:18:09,037 --> 00:18:12,376 - about your dad. He's all talk. - Okay. 437 00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:15,141 Surrender, Santa's villagers! 438 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,912 I will reduce your village to rubble in the name 439 00:18:18,947 --> 00:18:22,082 of Grafelnik! Your snowmen will die! 440 00:18:22,117 --> 00:18:24,184 Your reindeer will be slaughtered! 441 00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:26,419 And your mall Santas will have 442 00:18:26,455 --> 00:18:28,921 their sex offender status revealed! 443 00:18:35,464 --> 00:18:36,930 Get out of the way! 444 00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:40,367 Craig, watch out! 445 00:18:40,402 --> 00:18:41,468 No, don't help! 446 00:18:41,503 --> 00:18:44,104 It's time for me to face my Santa fears alone! 447 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:49,809 Dad! Stop it! These mall cops are ex-cops! 448 00:18:49,845 --> 00:18:51,978 I only sack at one speed, son: 449 00:18:52,014 --> 00:18:55,244 - full. - Don't worry, Alan. I got this. 450 00:18:59,755 --> 00:19:01,054 So it comes to this. 451 00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:03,723 All I ever wanted was to spend Grafelnik with my son. 452 00:19:03,759 --> 00:19:05,492 Yeah, and all I ever wanted 453 00:19:05,527 --> 00:19:07,727 was to spend Christmas with my son. 454 00:19:11,967 --> 00:19:14,000 Ow! Geez, Edie. 455 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:17,604 And now your bounty will burn as hot 456 00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:19,272 as my love for Alangulon. 457 00:19:19,308 --> 00:19:21,141 - What are you doing? - Despite his inability to choose 458 00:19:21,176 --> 00:19:22,509 which one of us he loves more. 459 00:19:22,544 --> 00:19:24,377 - This isn't part of it. - Wait, wait, wait, wait! Stop! 460 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,980 - Oopsie. Too late. - No! 461 00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:31,051 Okay, uh, this has gotten totally out of control. 462 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:33,513 I'm so sorry. I-I tried to pit you two against 463 00:19:33,514 --> 00:19:35,889 each other for presents, and just... I'm sorry! 464 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:39,793 That's very sweet, Alangulon. But you know what's sweeter? 465 00:19:39,828 --> 00:19:40,960 Revenge! 466 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,997 This whole thing is fake, you dummy! 467 00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,565 - What? - Uh, yeah! 468 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,600 That's what you get for trying to manipulate your parents! 469 00:19:47,636 --> 00:19:52,872 - So these terrified kids are actors? - Uh, well, no. 470 00:19:52,908 --> 00:19:54,451 But one bad experience isn't gonna 471 00:19:54,452 --> 00:19:56,176 ruin them for the rest of their lives. 472 00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:58,645 That did not work. 473 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,120 All right, I'll admit it. 474 00:20:07,155 --> 00:20:09,923 I was skeptical of Taken, but I'm won over. 475 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:13,960 And yes, I do see tonal similarities between the two narratives. 476 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,462 So, I just talked to the people from the mall, 477 00:20:15,497 --> 00:20:16,796 - and we don't have to pay for anything. - Hmm. 478 00:20:16,832 --> 00:20:18,965 Turns out, they celebrate Grafelnik, too. 479 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,034 Apparently, the entire mall was built to take revenge 480 00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:23,837 - on small family-owned businesses. - Wait, wait, wait. 481 00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:26,106 Hold on. This isn't exactly like Grafelnik. 482 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:28,074 In his story, both Lord Grafelnik and his daughter 483 00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:30,276 were shot in the back of the head and thrown 484 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,915 in the same ditch. But, at least they were 485 00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:35,382 - together as a family. - Just like us. 486 00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:37,951 Merry Grafelmas. 487 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,319 - Merry Grafelmas! - Merry Grafelmas! 488 00:20:39,354 --> 00:20:42,055 Oh, guys, I have one more Grafelnik tradition. 489 00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:44,924 Now, this is for all the things I've forgotten to take revenge on. 490 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,626 I hope you all enjoy being stung by 491 00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:49,137 Zephyrianized killer bees! 492 00:20:54,603 --> 00:20:57,604 ♪ With his daughter's life in thrall ♪ 493 00:20:57,639 --> 00:21:00,073 ♪ Vengeance comes to one and all ♪ 494 00:21:00,108 --> 00:21:02,509 ♪ Vengeance ♪ ♪ Grafelnik, Vengeful Vic ♪ 495 00:21:02,544 --> 00:21:04,377 ♪ Grafelnik, vengeance ♪ 496 00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,713 ♪ Vengeance ♪ ♪ Special skills, many kills ♪ 497 00:21:06,748 --> 00:21:08,548 ♪ Grafelnik is coming for you ♪ 498 00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:11,251 ♪ What's that chill upon the air? ♪ 499 00:21:11,286 --> 00:21:14,120 ♪ Grafelnik, Grafelnik, all beware ♪ 500 00:21:14,156 --> 00:21:16,656 ♪ Once a year, when darkness falls ♪ 501 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,611 ♪ Vengeance comes to one and all. ♪ 502 00:21:19,909 --> 00:21:22,462 sync and correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~